


Secrets Always Come To Surface

by whereyoustand



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Homelessness, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Platonic Male/Male Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24144691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereyoustand/pseuds/whereyoustand
Summary: Ethan had kept a secret for years, his mum was the only one to know, mainly because she had to. It hurt to be brutally honest, keeping it a secret from the boys, but saying the words hurt Ethan just as much.OR:Ethan’s secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Secrets Always Come To Surface

Ethan was a very guarded person, that's the first thing the Sidemen noticed about him. Ethan was pretty open about not having a dad and his trouble he got up to as a teenager, but there was still so much more beneath the surface that the friendship group wasn't aware of. 

When Ethan told them he had curb-stomped someone, the group immediately got confused and even went as far as to talk about it in a video. Ethan quickly went back into his shell, not wanting any more of his secrets to be revealed online. 

Ethan grew up in an area where if you were a male, you had to be strong and you weren't allowed to be anything other then strong. Ethan wasn't allowed to be vulnerable in any way, he just hid his feelings and raised his walls so no one could ever know anything about them.

Ethan had kept a secret for years, his mum was the only one to know, mainly because she had to. It hurt to be brutally honest, keeping it a secret from the boys, but saying the words hurt Ethan just as much.

Many nights Ethan woke up with sweat dripping down his back as his dreams turned into twisted versions of his memories. Ethan usually made sure that when on holidays with the lads he had his room because he was scared that one day he would wake up with a scream as he had done in the past. It wasn't an often occurrence but knowing Ethan's luck, he would wake up with a scream with the boys. 

Ethan made sure to set boundaries with the Sidemen, making sure he was never in front of them so they didn't touch him by surprise and send him into a panic attack, making sure none of them touched him without warning. But one day, he fucked up.

They were in a club and Ethan was sent to get drinks with Simon and Ethan was already on edge. Simon ordered the drinks and Ethan kept looking around them, trying to spy anyone who could hurt him. Simon noticed it but didn't ask about it, knowing Ethan wouldn't ask about it.

"Yeah, and two of those please," Simon asked. "You're okay to carry these three over?" 

Ethan felt someone come up behind him a bit too close and he took a sharp intake of breath, nodding shakily.

"It's all right if not," Simon said softly. Ethan swallowed thickly and took the three glasses and made his way to the table, placing the glasses on the table a bit too hard, causing it to splash slightly. 

"Watch out-" JJ started but then he saw the way Ethan stood and the look on his face. "Are you all right?" Ethan nodded.

He quickly turned and grabbed the other glasses making his way back to the table. Ethan sat down in his seat, closest to the wall and watched everything around him, feeling completely unsafe. Everyone caught one and exchanged glasses, not wanting to bring it up with Ethan.

Ethan's hands were shaking and he quickly chugged his drink to try and stop his fears from getting to him. He looked around once more and made eye contact with a man. The man winked and Ethan felt all air leave his body. He instinctively gripped Tobi's arm, wanting to feel protected. Tobi jumped at the sudden touch, turning to look at Ethan. When he looked, Tobi saw Ethan's scared look.

"Ethan?" Tobi asked softly and everyone turned to look at the pair and saw Ethan's grip. "Are you all right?"

Ethan blinked, suddenly becoming aware of his tight grip. He quickly let go and stood up abruptly, walking to the toilets. Ethan went into the toilets and a stall and locked the door. Panic was clawing his veins and he didn't know what to do. He shakily reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone to call his mum when he realised that he had left it at the table.

The door suddenly opened and Ethan could hear his name being called out by JJ. Ethan held his sobs in as JJ asked if he was okay.

"Call my mum." Is all Ethan could choke out.

"Ethan what's-"

"Just call my fucking mum!" Ethan exclaimed his voice breaking at the end. JJ shakily scrolled through his contacts, scrolling to Ruth, he handed Ethan the phone underneath the door.

Ethan held the phone to his ear as his mum answered.

"JJ, this is a surprise, how can I help you, dear?" Ruth answered.

"Mum?" Ethan choked out. "Mum, I can't breathe. Please, I thought I saw-"

"Darling put me on speaker. You can't calm down with things in your hand, remember?" Ruth instructed.

"Mum, I'm in public." Was all Ethan could gasp out.

"Do it, Ethan," Ruth ordered. Ethan complied putting his phone on speaker.

"Ethan I need you to breathe, darling. In for four." Ruth attempted. "Hold for six, out for seven."

Ethan tried to copy his mum's instructions but it fell short as a sob escaped his mouth.

"What happened Ethan? Talk me through it." Ruth said calmly.

"I saw him and he winked at me. I didn't know what to do. Why is he here mum?" Ethan cried more.

"Can you pass the phone to JJ please dear?"

Ethan unlocked the door and passed the phone to JJ.

"JJ, I need you to go and find the man that scared Ethan. I'm sending you a photo of him now. If the man is the same in the picture you have to get Ethan to a safe place as soon as possible. Got it?" Ruth explained.

"Y-yes." JJ stuttered out, confused entirely by the situation.

"Okay, let Ethan calm down a bit and then take him outside, act normal. Do not draw attention to yourself." Ruth warned.

"Okay." JJ simply replied, fear officially making itself clear. 

"Ethan, I love you. I'll book to come to see you soon. I love you so much." Ruth said.

"Love you too, mum," Ethan whispered. JJ sat with Ethan for a few minutes until he calmed down and eventually left the toilets. Everyone gave them a questioning look when they returned to the table but JJ shook his head signalling for the group not talk about it.

JJ looked at the picture Ruth sent him and looked around the restaurant for the man.

Ethan nudged him lightly under the table, nodding towards a table across the room. JJ glanced at the table and noticed the man that Ethan was staring at.

JJ looked at the picture of the man again, realising that it was the man sat a few tables away from the group. JJ tapped Ethan's arm and Ethan flinched but turned to look at him.

"How about you stay round mine tonight?" JJ asked and Ethan immediately knew what was happening as JJ turned to the group. "Guys we need to go. All of us. Now." JJ explained shortly.

"What? Why?" Tobi asked but as soon as he saw the look on JJ's face he scrambled his things together and left the building with the rest of the friend group.

Ethan was shaking, sobs and panicked breaths escaping him as JJ and Josh guided him out the pub. Simon called over a taxi as the boys tried to question what was happening. JJ pulled Ethan into the taxi and told the taxi driver to go to his apartment.

They all had their eyes on Ethan as the settled into their seats. Thankfully, they arrived at the apartment fairly quickly. As soon as they got in, they took Ethan to the living room where he laid down and wrapped a blanket around him. He was shivering but they knew it wasn't because he was cold.

"Ethan, please, tell us what was happening." Harry pleaded. "I want to help you. I'm scared."

Ethan had tears running down his eyes but he wasn't looking at anything.

"We're going to sit here until you're ready to talk but you have to talk to us," Josh instructed. They all settled around the sofa, keeping their talking to a minimum and not talking too loud.

After an hour, Ethan had calmed down and he came too. Ethan watched as his friends interacted as he whispered, "My mum and I were homeless for a year." 

Everyone had their attention on Ethan.

"Ethan-" Vik started.

"Please, let me finish, I won't be able to get through this if I get interrupted," Ethan said. He swallowed thickly. "When I was thirteen, mum and I were homeless for a year. We hopped between houses but we didn't have a place to call ours, you know?"

Everyone had a look of pity on their face but didn't say anything.

"And mum met a guy and we both thought we could trust him. And he invited us into his home and we stayed there, mum got a job and she was earning enough money for her to contribute to rent and shit. And we stayed with him but because he had one bedroom, I'd have to share with him. Mum would do night shifts and he would invite me to sleep in his bed. And I felt like I owed him so I slept in bed with him."

Ethan sobbed.

"I should've said no. It's my fault." Ethan felt his memories overwhelm him. "He touched me and told me that I was- that I was a good boy for looking after mum and that I should be rewarded. And he told me that it was our little secret. He got confident. He would touch me under the table at dinner. He picked me up from school and he did things that I can't even begin to explain. He forced me on my knees and I tried to say no. I promise I tried."

It was quiet apart from a sob that escaped Harry's mouth.

"I didn't know what to do and then at school we were taught what sexual abuse was and I broke down." Ethan whimpered. "The teacher caught on and called mum in and I told her everything. We called the police and he denied it so we went to court but we didn't have enough money to get a decent lawyer so he didn't get charged. Mum and I had to move in with my nan and grandad. I felt so guilty for fucking everything up. I still get nightmares sometimes and scream. I hate people touching me and I can't stand sharing a bed." Ethan explained.

"Ethan, I think we can all agree that what he did was not your fault," Josh said.

"Should've punched him when I saw him," JJ growled. 

"JJ!" Simon warned before turning his attention to Ethan. "Ethan we are so proud of you for telling us."

"Aren't you guys gonna kick me out? Onto the streets where I belong. I lead him to you guys, he's gonna hurt you. I have to go." Ethan struggled to get up due to his shaking legs but Tobi pushed him down lightly.

"No. Stay there. You didn't do anything and we don't want you to leave." Tobi explained sternly.

"What if he finds you guys? He could hurt you." Ethan sobbed.

"He won't find us, and even if he did, he'll have to go up against me," JJ growled.

Ethan was still shaking, fear running through his veins.

"Ethan, you can calm down," Vik said. "He's not going to get you again. We won't let him."

"He was a few tables away from us, how do you guys know that he didn't follow us here?" Ethan asked.

"Ethan, even if he did we're not letting you go out on your own now that we know he's nearby," Josh said. "He's not getting anywhere near you whilst we're around."

Ethan was too tired to argue. "I don't want anyone else to know."

"I can understand that mate," Harry whispered honestly. "But I think the best thing for you to do is get a therapist and discuss it with them. They'll know the best thing to do to help you."

Ethan nodded. "Mum told me to get one but I couldn't find myself to find one."

"We'll help you," Josh promised. "We aren't letting you go through this alone."

"Thank you." Ethan smiled weakly. "I didn't want to drag you into this but-"

"You did not drag us into this!" Tobi interrupted. "We walked alongside you because we love you so much."

Ethan was speechless, unable to say anything. Tiredness was officially taking over his body and he had cried so many tears that he didn't think he'd have anything left.

"Ethan. We're here for you. Through thick and thin." Simon said. "Nothing will change that."

"I can't thank you guys enough," Ethan whispered. 

"You don't have to thank us," Harry said softly. "Can I hug you?" He asked.

Ethan nodded and Harry pulled him into a tight hug. 

"Love you guys," Ethan said.

"Love you too," Harry whispered back. The others quickly joined in on the hug, giving Ethan room to breathe but making sure he knew they were there for him.

Ethan fell asleep at JJ and Simon's flat that night, he woke from nightmares but now he had friends who surrounded him and helped calm him down. Ethan felt a new weight lifted on his shoulders now that his friends knew about his secret.


End file.
